Get Unfunked With Me: Day Five

Okay, so I have a confession to make.

The first part of my confession is that I am currently on holiday with my family in sunny Queensland.

The second part is that I was sitting in the sun reading when I suddenly thought I needed to go and buy a notebook so I could process some of my thoughts.

Then I realised this was something I could share here instead — and that it's actually still very relevant to this whole unfunking process.

Now, being on holiday, you might not think I need to unfunk anything.

But here's where the real confession begins.

The real confession

On our first full day here, I spent most of the day feeling lousy.

I actually have a slight cold, which was part of it. But the other part — and probably the bigger stick in the mud — was this feeling of being fat and puffy.

Nothing like the feeling that all your clothes look terrible on you to make you (or maybe just a woman) spiral on holiday.

To explain this a little further without making it a whole thing, I'd recently trimmed down around my middle and had been feeling really good in my body, largely because I'd been focusing much more on how I wanted to feel than any of that diet culture bullshit.

But leading up to the holiday, I ballooned out of nowhere.

When I was trying to choose an outfit for my brother's baby shower only a few days before we left, I couldn't find anything I felt comfortable in.

Then it seemed to settle down for a few days.

Day one of the holiday?

Boom.

And the spiral continued.

Without overanalysing the situation, I'm less than a week from my predicted period. I've also had a few stressful weeks at work, and I'm not sure my water intake has been at its usual level.

So there are plenty of possible explanations.

But honestly, none of them really matter because none of them make me feel any better right now.

Which leads me back to the book I was reading.

The creation process

It was essentially describing life as a process of noticing contrast, clarifying what you'd prefer instead, aligning yourself with that desire, and then watching life begin to move in response.

And something about that landed differently for me.

All this to say that life is really about the creation process rather than just receiving the things you want.

It's about deliberately focusing on what you want while also finding a way to feel good — even feeling eager anticipation — in the becoming.

Because if you can enjoy the process of becoming, I think that might be the whole fucking point of it.

Now, with that being said...

How the fuck am I going to do that on a family holiday when I currently feel fat and a little unwell?

Well, let me tell you.

How I'm unfunking this

The first thing I decided was that I wasn't going to respond by restricting my food or dramatically increasing my movement.

Holidays, for me, mean eating a little more richly and enjoying foods we don't necessarily have in normal day-to-day life. Restricting that would suck, and I'm not doing that to myself.

I'll eat plenty of fruit and veg because I'm trying to help my body recover from this shitty little cold, not because I'm trying to compensate for anything.

And movement gets to be the same.

I usually walk along the beach each morning when we're here before we head out for the day, but this year I feel like I need more slowness.

If I want the walk, I'll walk.

If I want to sit in the sun drinking tea, I'll do that instead.

Back to the energetic side of the whole thing.

Finding relief

The first thing I knew I needed to do was find some clothes that took the focus away from my middle so I could soften my focus on what was bothering me and essentially find a little relief.

I had absolutely no intention of going on a shopping spree or spending a heap of money on clothes I didn't actually want long term.

I just wanted to find something that helped me feel a little better.

So I went into one of my favourite stores with an open mind and the intention of finding some relief.

And then a dress practically jumped out at me.

It ticked all the boxes, I felt good in it, and I'm actually excited to wear it today.

That little bit of immediate relief gave me enough space to start changing the story.

The shift

Instead of continuing to focus on feeling puffy and fat on my holiday, I've started focusing on how I want to feel in my body long term.

I'm daydreaming about how good it will feel to be fully healthy again, but also about how I want to look and feel rather than continuing to focus on what's bothering me right now.

Thoughts like...

Once my shoulder is fully healed, I'll be able to lift weights again.

How exciting that I have a new gym opening near me that I'd like to try.

I loved how I felt when I was lifting heavy a few times a week.

I look forward to feeling that way again.

I'm proud of my body for the way it moves me through life.

It carried my babies.

It lets me fully engage in this incredible life I'm creating.

I love that my body allows me to experience all of this.

So knowing that I want to feel confident, strong, trimmer around my middle and calmer about my body, I can let myself feel some eager anticipation for those things.

I can marinate in what I want.

Imagine how good it feels.

Appreciate everything my body already lets me experience.

And let that become my point of focus.

And weirdly, that tiny shift has already given me something I thought changing my body would give me: relief.

I'm still allowed to want something different.

I'm still allowed to look forward to what's becoming.

But I don't have to postpone enjoying my holiday — or my life — until I get there.

And maybe that's what unfunking is really becoming for me.

Not immediately changing every circumstance I don't like.

But learning how to find my way towards what I do want, while still savouring the life I'm creating as it's becoming.