Motherhood Cracked Me Open

Motherhood cracked me open and I didn't expect it at all.

I had been on a growth path for a few years...

Between being involved in a network marketing company that encouraged personal development and my love of learning, I had devoured books, attended conferences, listened to audios, and come to a place where I felt ready for my "next step."

I remember vividly feeling ready for more growth and saying to the universe:

"I'm ready for my next step."

Ha.

I thought maybe it would be a Reiki course or some new kind of business direction, but the universe had other plans...

The unexpected next step

Not long after that little "discussion" with the universe, something felt different and I couldn't quite place it.

Then one day I was walking with my mum and without thinking I blurted out:

"So either my period is reallllly late or I'm pregnant."

Mum knew that I wasn't sold on having kids. In fact, the very idea freaked me the fuck out, so we laughed it off and left it at that.

Later that day I was doing the groceries with my husband (who I had not shared this thought with) and somehow found myself wandering down that aisle.

Naturally, I took the test as soon as I got home, but I was too freaked out to leave it facing up. So as I flipped that pee-covered stick over and saw the pregnant symbol, I immediately spiralled.

It wasn't just fear of not being a good enough mother. I was also terrified of giving birth, and honestly, it just felt like I wasn't equipped to be a mum.

Of course, I can see now that so much of that was noise created from being deeply disconnected from myself.

I didn't realise it at the time, but I had just been handed my biggest growth opportunity.

And man, has it been a journey since that day.

The cracks that showed up

Prior to becoming a mum, I probably wouldn't have admitted this, but I was deeply insecure. Mainly because I was completely disconnected from myself and relied desperately on external validation.

I didn't feel good enough, couldn't make important decisions without consulting other people, and man could I spiral into overthinking like it was an Olympic sport and I had just won gold.

Even though I had "grown," I was still looking for answers outside of myself — of course until I became a mum and the cracks in that way of living started to show... in a big way.

Finding my way back

Thankfully, about six months into my motherhood journey, I found the book Ask and It Is Given by way of Gabby Bernstein, and from there everything started changing in such a good way.

I had already begun deepening my understanding of the spiritual world, but this book gave me real solace in the idea that the universe had my back.

That understanding deepened as I realised I had more power over my life than I previously knew, and that I was always connected to this energy that felt like love.

Now, one book certainly didn't magically "change my life," but it became the catalyst for what would become my greatest understanding of myself, my inner guidance, source energy/the universe/God (or whatever word feels right for you), and the power of my focus.

I learnt the art of choosing how I feel, focusing on what I want instead of what I don't want, and that life got a whole lot easier when I was in alignment — aka connected to myself, my inner wisdom, source energy, God.

What it all comes back to

Essentially, everything I share is rooted in this philosophy, and it continues to be validated over and over again through my own life experience.

But it has been a process. One I am continually expanding, experimenting with, and deepening.

I simply share what feels true to me, what's worked for me, and what I genuinely believe could help someone else too.

And honestly, all of it boils down to one core truth:

Everything begins with reconnecting to yourself.

Motherhood has absolutely given me the greatest opportunity to practice returning to myself — especially when everyone and their dog seems to have an opinion on how you should do things.

And as it turns out, moving through life connected to myself as often as possible has been the missing piece all along.