You Always Get to Choose Your Lens

I have someone in my life who used to affect me deeply.

They used to (and sometimes still do) say things that would get me all twisted up inside.

Often, they would say things when something inside of them was out of balance. But they had such a skill of twisting the knife that I used to take it very personally.

Thankfully, though, I've grown so much. I've become more certain within myself. I've realised that, above all else, it matters how I feel, and ultimately, I get to choose how I respond.

This means that if I'm focused on something that's making me feel off or shitty, then that's my cue to change my perspective or focus on something else entirely.

Plans changed at the last minute

Just the other day, I had a chance to practise this again with the aforementioned person. We had plans that we'd arranged months ago, and at the last minute, they changed them.

Now, I'm all good with someone bailing last minute. I get that. But there's a bit more detail to this than I can share publicly, so I'll just say this: these were the kind of plans you don't change last minute.

Anyway, at this point, most people would be annoyed, angry, and most likely want that person to feel their frustration. Even people in my life who knew about it told me they'd be pissed.

And sure, I could have been. But I knew that me feeling that way wasn't worth it.

I didn't want to be sad or mad or grumpy about it. I didn't want to make it any bigger by being bitchy with the person. I just let it be what it was, and whenever I talked about it with someone, I did so from a place of slightly humorous detachment.

Someone in my life told me they thought I'd handled it really maturely. But I wouldn't have said it was maturity. It was more that I knew the only person a bad mood was really going to affect was me (and probably my kids). And I didn't want to be in a foul mood.

So I chose to look at it through the soft eyes of humour instead.

That didn't make what happened okay. It just meant I wasn't willing to let it steal any more of my energy.

You get to choose the lens

That's the whole point of this story.

You get to choose the lens you look through at anything.

And if changing the lens feels too hard in that moment, simply shift your focus to something that naturally helps you feel a little better. Sometimes changing the subject is easier than changing the story.

You always get to choose your lens — and that means you always get to choose how much of your energy something gets to take.